Its time to check the mailbag:

A laconic friend writes:
1.There are no liars at Joxer's.
2.Coach Cock WILL be available for the 2006 World Cup.
3.I'm ecstatic that Algore is busy picking up filtered cigarette butts from the gutters and stenciling fishbones with the phrase "No dumping" next to sewer drains than leading our country at this time.
4.Back in May I distinctly remember a certain bespectacled, shiny headed attorney predicting the Lakers would not repeat (or "Threepeat" as you unoriginal Laker fans call it) this season.
5.I'll take Rowan & Martin over Shaq & Kobe anytime.

No liars? Haven't you ever gotten a bill from Christine or Dakota? I'm getting tired of so-called friends falsely impugning my integrity and my wisdom and foresight in predicting that the Lakers would get their trey. Please take the time to review my posts last week, after Games 2 and 3 of the Finals. I'm glad that Hitchcock will be available in 2006, as he might have a choice of several teams to coach, including our neighbors to the south. I will ignore your insult about the President. Quit harassing me.
~
Some of you took exception to my comments about Lena Olin, to wit:

About to be jumped? That show jumps everytime she says, "I was working for the people I thought I was fighting against".


or this, from someone whose evil twin is the basis for Laura Bristow:


What have you got against Lena Olin? I'm definitely not a lesbian -- not that there is anything wrong with that -- and yet I find her incredibly sexy. A dark haired Swede -- what a great combination.
BTW, was hanging at a new hotspot called Koi the other night, and Jennifer Garner's love interest from Alias (you know, her "CIA handler") was at the next table. I stared at him all night.

I'm not a lesbian either, although I often think I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Seriously, no one is going to understand any of this without some background. One of the best shows on TV right now is an ABC series called Alias. It's stars an impossibly gorgeous actress named Jennifer Garner (Sydney Bristow), and is basically like a James Bond or Indiana Jones movie, except its played completely straight; no bad jokes or puns, no smirks or winks from the hero to leaden the atmosphere, and even the bad guys are three-dimensional. The heroine gets into her fair share of fights, and in a TV-first, every so often gets the crap beat out of her, making the character sort of like a female Jim Rockford. Its largely a no-name cast. This is a good place to go if you want more info on the series; if you are just getting into the show, or if you need an explanation as to what some obscure group or reference (incl. anything to do with "Rambaldi artifacts"), that's where you go, or go to the official website ABC has for the show. As the first writer pointed out, its entirely reasonable to believe that the show already jumped the shark, but then again, its entirely reasonable to tell a 5-year old that there is no Santa Claus.

Anyway, without giving away too many plot twists, Swedish actress Lena Olin was recently cast as a woman very close to our heroine, a character that can be described as a cross between Keyser Soze, Harry Lime, and "Karla" from the Le Carre spy novels. My disappointment with the casting centers around my feeling that the show could have been a bit more creative. Ms. Olin, for those of you who may have forgotten, was a star back in the late-80's-early 90's, and was (I think) nominated for an Oscar. Her career has slowed down in the last ten years, to the point that she now basically plays evil semi-attractive women in every film, similar to her memorable character in Romeo Is Burning. The low point has to be her supporting role in Queen of the Damned; every actress who basically wants to the follow the Karen Black route just needs to do one Anne Rice movie.

Nevertheless, that downturn has more to do with poor choices than a lack of talent; I have no doubt she will pull off the character. But as the other letter reminds us, this show is always on the verge of slipping off the precipice into self-parody. Its pretty much survived without "stars", and although I would have preferred, for purely fetishistic reasons, that they had cast Mimi Rogers in the role, I believe that hiring another talented but non-famous actress would have been a better move. Besides, how do you kill off Lena Olin?

P.S. On your last point, the name of the actor you were stalking at Koi is Michael Vartan. And remember, whatever you do, please do not tell Scott what you really do for a living.