'Cause it feels so empty without me: I've gotten quite a few hits the last couple of days thanks to a mention by Matt Welch of my ongoing campaign to be mayor of the SF Valley. As some of you might be aware, I did not garner enough (or any) signatures to get my name on the November ballot, as it appears my efforts in that regard were foiled by my sworn enemy, Molly Johnson O'Keefe, Carolyn H.'s evil twin. That woman has ruthlessly sought to avenge my having disclosed her true identity as a KGB-sponsored assasin, which I discovered after she seduced me on the island of Mustique back in 1987, while her sister was studying in France. Nonetheless, I shall continue to campaign as a write-in candidate, and pursue my platform of bringing an NFL franchise to a stadium to be built in the Encino Hills.

How is the President like Anna Nicole Smith? Check out this review....

When I think about the center of evil on this planet, it is not to Iraq or Tora Bora that I focus, but on the satanic kingdom of Delaware, home of MBNA, lax incorporation and usury laws, and Joe Biden.

Why do I think that this is really about some hotshot East Coast producers being too lazy to get on a plane and fly to LA. If it was really a tribute to the 9/11 dead, why not have part of the Oscars in D.C.? Or better yet, Jerusalem? AMPAS has already had one ceremony where it pretended that the only victims of Bin Laden were in New York City, so how many more of these are we going to be forced to sit through.

As part of the desperate, scorched-earth tactics used (hopefully) by the opponents of the "bankruptcy reform" measure currently before Congress, a sweetheart loan made by MBNA to a powerful Congressman is being hyped. To summarize, Rep. Moran (D.-VA), who had run up some Smythian debts on his credit cards, was able to get a large, relatively low-interest loan against his home just before he signed on to sponsor the proposed law. The suspicious timing of the loan has caught the attention of the bill's opponents, who hope to focus on the budding scandal as an exemplification of everything wrong with the law. To which I add, DUH !!! This measure is not going to get passed because our elected officials carefully and scrupulously weighed argument and counter-argument on the problem of increased bankruptcy filings, and came up with this bill. Its going to pass because the credit card industry bribed (err, I mean contributed to) an overwhelming majority in both houses of Congress, as well as to the President, who, when he wasn't campaigning two years ago out of the back pocket of Enron and the oil companies, was practically giving monicas to MBNA and Providian. And so endeth this evening's civics lesson....

In what could move the Lakers a step closer to a fourpeat, it appears that CWeb may be indicted for lying to a grand jury over his relationship with UM booster Ed Martin. If convicted, he will face up to five years in the slammer. Now, we just need to get something on Tim Duncan.

Ironically, "Michael Kelly", whom I've linked to in the Humor Dept., actually wrote what appears to be an intentionally, albeit mildly, amusing column this week. If only Andrew Sullivan could do the same....

Joe Biden, Stephen Ambrose, Mike Barnicle, and now...Wayne Newton?

I love a good cat fight as much as the next guy, but there's something about this article that doesn't ring true, cause if it is, "Gwyn" should fire her publicist for allowing this story to get out, cause he/she has just made her client seem like the dimmest bulb in all of christendom. (incidentally, the story that follows, about "Elmo" and NY taxicabs, might well be the most blatant use of an "anonymous source" as a disguise for the opinions of the author in the history of American journalism)

Regarding Chick Hearn, MC Hammered writes in requesting a favor:

Do you remember a rap song using nothing but Chick Hearns' basketball play by play calls and a drum machine? I don't remember the actual title of the record or the exact year (mid to late 80's) but I can still hear some of the song in my head (I also hear voices sometimes but that's a different matter altogether). If you have any info, oops, I mean 411, for me(I always try to stay as lamely hip as is possible for a 36 year old white man) then get back to me. Por favor.

I believe it was from 2Live Crew, or maybe Public Enemy, but I'm not sure. I definitely remember the song. If anyone has a more definite answer (or better yet, a link !!), let me know.

Gerri Kasparov, who will forever be remembered as the chess champion who got his ass kicked by a computer, has a well-thought out plan to take on Iran, Syria, et al., after we get finished taking care of Iraq. Just a warning, Comrade Gerri, don't turn you're back on Rosa Klebb.

Sometimes MoDo can actually be a brilliant social critic, and sometimes she just phones it in, like she does here, a column as bad as her Hollywood articles last week. Perhaps a gentle reminder is in order: Al Gore may not be well-liked among the beltway set, but he was the people's choice in the last election. Dowd doesn't need a fact checker; she needs a sense checker.

Outstanding set of posts and links from Eschaton about this week's hip rationale for doing a Pearl Harbor on Iraq: to "humiliate" Islam. Believe it or not, this idea is actually gaining currency in D.C.; that is to say, the U.S. / "west" needs to pick a fight with the Muslims and give them such a staggering defeat that the Arab World will throw up their hands and say, "oops, we were wrong about Allah and the Koran, screw the Palestinians, let's embrace western ideals, etc."(ed.-I always thought capitalism was supposed to do that). This is sort of a variation of Snitchens' "war against Islamofascism", and is based on a rather bizarre misreading of the aftermath of WWII, that the Allies needed to fight Germany and Japan so as to deliver an humiliating defeat, after which our former enemies embraced democracy, tolerance, et al. Perhaps it bears repeating that prior to our getting the chance to "humiliate" Germany and Japan, they fought rather tenaciously for six years, and killed lots of innocent people. Before we decide to go chain the entire Arab World to the back of our pick-up truck, metaphorically speaking, maybe we need to start listening to a broader spectrum of opinion on this issue, especially now that it seems that the crack epidemic has spread to the editorial board of Commentary.

Its sad to think that there are those who only came to know Chick Hearn as a Laker announcer in the last few years. Even before the stroke last December, he clearly wasn't half the announcer he used to be, and anyone who pretends that he was still any good on the radio is lying. Back in my youth, only a few Laker games a year were televised, and I had the pleasure of listening to his broadcasts on a small transistor radio. His vivid, imaginative calls created images in the mind of a nine-year old boy that were indellible; long before I saw my first basketball game, I had a distinctive view as to what was going on at courtside, whether it was West "yo-yo-ing the ball up the court", or Goodrich putting an opponent "in the popcorn machine", or Wilt attempting a "finger roll" or a "slam dunk", thanks to Chick (and some of the phrases he invented).

UPDATE: Check out this tribute to Chick Hearn, with the passion and elegance I wish I could bring to the subject.

Do ya think its even theoretically possible to drive a nail up this guy's ass with a sledgehammer?

Smythesworld is now ad-free, thanks to media tycoon James Capozzola of the Rittenhouse Report, who bought out the ad from Blogger. Much appreciations and the like...and here's another reason lawyers are truly the world's saddest victims.

One of the little scandals that took place recently in blogistan concerned a prominent writer who falsely accused a former Clinton Cabinet member of having been involved in some questionable dealings with Enron while he was the president of Citicorp. When it turned out that the official hadn't joined Citicorp until months after its rather complicated business arrangement with Enron went into effect, the blogger retroactively altered his posting, without comment. That is considered to be a tad unethical, since the visitors who read the original piece might not pick up on the later change unless a retraction had been posted. Still, not a huge deal in the long run, since the truth eventually does get out, and the site in question is only going to be read by a few thousand people a day. However, when the government does the same thing, it is a big deal, as the latest column by Paul Krugman makes clear. Propelled by approval numbers in the stratosphere, the Bush Administration seems to believe it has been liberated from the modest obligations that the rest of us have to at least be consistent with the lies we tell each other. At least Clinton didn't try to claim that he never denied having sexual relations with that woman.

In the last week, the following search terms linked actual users to my site, thanks to Google:

1. "Julia Roberts" spanked
2. Why Brazil won and not Turkey picture "girl in crowd"
3. Soccer Referree test
4. "Michael Bolton" and "Naomi Campbell"
5. p-whipped and men

and, lastly, with Smythesworld listed at the very top...
6. cover slam tennis Moby

I've been writing a lot about baseball recently, and little about politics, so here's something that ties the two together, a follow-up to the excellent Krugman column from a fortnight ago on some perfectly legal kickbacks W got back when he was governor of Texas. I knew there must have been a reason he traded Sammy Sosa !!

I dunno Davey...this is great news. I can't wait to see if they contemporize the characters, ie., have D & G "rap", give Goliath a soul patch, etc. My favorite episode concerned the time they went to a state park, and thought it would be funny to dump a can of paint into a drinking well; that day, they learned a hard lesson about the consequences of their actions.

I may have been too kind to the media concerning my post the other day about the release of Jose Offerman. It seems the front office of that team put out the story that Offerman had refused to enter last Monday's game in the 9th inning to pinch run as a rationale for cutting the bastard four days later, and as a justification for making him travel with the team to Texas, rather than releasing him in L.A., where he lives in the off-season. The media, which tend to dislike uppitty dark-skinned players, fell for it hook, line and sinker, reporting the allegation without sourcing it. As I wrote earlier, if Offerman was white, or spoke English as a first language, I am certain that this story would have been covered differently; that is to say, it would have been reported that he was cut by the Red Sox because his batting average sucked, but that the team's decision to force him to make the trip to Texas, and inventing a smear afterward about his willingness to play, was classless.

Some friends of mine told me last night at Joxers that I have a standard pose that I go into (as seen here) when I'm about to "meditate". I guess that's what friends are for. By the way, did anyone notice that the new Washington uniform looks a lot like Florida State--did Spurrier do that deliberately?