'Cause it feels so empty without me: I've gotten quite a few hits the last couple of days thanks to a mention by Matt Welch of my ongoing campaign to be mayor of the SF Valley. As some of you might be aware, I did not garner enough (or any) signatures to get my name on the November ballot, as it appears my efforts in that regard were foiled by my sworn enemy, Molly Johnson O'Keefe, Carolyn H.'s evil twin. That woman has ruthlessly sought to avenge my having disclosed her true identity as a KGB-sponsored assasin, which I discovered after she seduced me on the island of Mustique back in 1987, while her sister was studying in France. Nonetheless, I shall continue to campaign as a write-in candidate, and pursue my platform of bringing an NFL franchise to a stadium to be built in the Encino Hills.