July 01, 2006
Portugal 0, England 0 [P.K.-Port 3-1]: Damn penalty kicks. In a game which England dominated, in spite of playing a man down for the final 58 minutes, the lack of an assured goalscorer proved decisive. Portugal, the only nation still left that has never won a World Cup, advances to their first semifinal in forty years, and assures that this year's winner will be a country that was at one time ruled by a fascist government. A devastating loss for the English; this was by far their best game of the tournament, and the red card given to Wayne Rooney is further evidence that the world's dumbest soccer players play for the Three Lions.