Its a shame that Vicki has but one birthday a year (or that Deborah celebrates her Birthday Week only once a year). A splendid time was had by all at the happiest place in Culver City, especially that crazy woman who drank five Electric Lemonades in 3 hours. For whatever reason, there were no ballgames on, but ESPN was able to show us, in order, an MLS game, an hour long replay of the Running of the Bulls from Pamplona, Spain, and the World Championships of Poker. Although watching bulls repeatedly gore drunk American tourists never gets old, I have to say that the excitement of poker just doesn't translate well to television. Another TV at the bar had the Miss Hawaiian Tropics pageants (US, then World) back to back. I surmised that the "judges" were probably all major figures in the adult entertainment "industry", since I hadn't heard of any of them (assuming that pageant judges are supposed to be "celebrities"). A blonde girl from LA won (for some reason, almost all the contestants were blondes, even those from Central America and Southeast Asia), giving the City of Angels its second major title this summer !!!

Two very interesting articles on the Harken scandal are out today. In this article, the evidence indicates that W. did know ahead of time (ie. before he sold his stock) that the company was about to tank. However, according to this story, it wouldn't have mattered from a legal standpoint, since the price of the shares didn't collapse until many months after the news about the company's losses was posted, making the insider information "non-material". In other words, the Prez may have acted in a sleazy manner back in 1989, but, in spite of his best efforts, probably didn't break the law. As is typical of the "liberal media", neither story mentioned the real villain, Bill Clinton, who at the time Bush dumped the stock was the Governor of Arkansas. Whew...if that story had lasted another week, we might have had to go to war with Iraq....

I haven't mentioned Alias in a few weeks, so now is as good a time as any to order you to set your VCR's tomorrow: the two parter featuring Quentin Tarentino rebroadcasts at 9 pm. Its also worth watching to see our heroine react at the beginning to the news of her mom's treachery. Vintage TV !!!

Hey Tricky Vicky: Happy Birthday !!!
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Let's see, Thursday the Blogger program wasn't publishing any of my posts, and yesterday I was unable to get anything through AOL. I tried a new format, which lasted exactly fourteen hours before I gave up in frustration. So its back with the old. I will try to get all the old links back up by the end of today, except for "Bencam", which linked to Saipan's only full service restaurant, store, and mortuary, and Sullivan, which I dumped not because of his conservatism and his increasing aversion to dark-skinned people the world over, but because I was finding that almost all of his posts were unintentionally hilarious; if that's what I wanted, I would just as soon link to David Horowitz or Dennis Prager. Oh well, he gets about a million hits a day, and I don't think he's going to miss the one or two visitors he gets from my site. The two new links, Matt Welch and The Weekly Standard, are just as conservative, but at least attempt to adhere to some level of intellectual integrity.

I'm reformatting the blog, so please bear with me; I hope to have it as good as new by the end of the weekend. If you prefer the old format, I can be talked out of the off-white background

Oh oh...the server's down. My posts are going up very sporadically.

As I remarked below, it is incumbent to avoid schadenfreude in not attacking every stumble made by the Prez: one must focus on 1) whether laws were broken by the then-private citizen George Bush back when he dumped his Harken stock, and if so, how much did he (and others) profit; 2) whether his past actions, legal or not, provide him with the credibility necessary to take part in the national debate as to what reforms are needed to police corporate practices; and 3) whether any diminishment in his credibility will lead to a weakening in confidence in the economy (as it has apparently already happened with Wall Street). This article, by America's greatest living columnist, touches every base on these emerging scandals.

Since its the right thing to do, I'm going to give W. a pass on the latest "scandal", the low-interest loan he got from Harken back in the late-80's. Regardless of how bad it looks from an ethical standpoint (his dad was President back then), it clearly was a routine ''bidness" gratuity, and was apparently not illegal, unlike, let's say, dumping stock based on insider information and then not filing a form disclosing same. That he now wants to outlaw such loans is not hypocritical, or not any more hypocritical than a politician voting to repeal a tax write-off that he had exercised in the past. It ill-behooves anyone who defended Clinton during the phony scandals of his administration to jump on any negative story about the current President, just because he's a conservative moron.

What some people won't do for more unique visitors....

Is there a bigger rip-off on cable than "ESPN Classic"? And to think that I once was excited about moving to the West SF Valley because I had been told (incorrectly, as it turned out) that it would be on basic cable. Half its programming is the treacly "Sports Century", and about 2/5 consists of rebroadcasts of second-rate car races and SEC college football games from the '80's. The rest of the time, it simply rebroadcasts the final two games of the 1991 World Series. Absolutely no replays of NFL football, ever, but if you stay up til 4:00 a.m., they will show those propaganda films football teams make to celebrate their season ("football experts everywhere predict that the 'never-say-die' attitude of the 2000 New Orleans Saints defense will lead to bigger things in 2001").

Even worse is when they have a replay of an old game that was entirely forgetable at the time it was played, but is only on because ESPN had the tape in its vaults. I must have seen the 1984 NCAA tournament game between Dayton and Washington about a half-dozen times on that channel; it wasn't particularly close, the only player of note on either team was Detlef Schrempf, and the team that won, Dayton, got knocked out in the next round. Oh well, as the historian and social critic Jill Schlessinger once said, "the world is ugly and the people are sad."
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Congratulations to Bud Selig, for his singularly moronic decision to call the All-Star Game after 11 innings. So much for having any optimism that a strike will be averted....

If anyone out there has access to Nexis, do me a favor and see how many times the phrase, "my lawyer ate my homework" has been used since July 4th, when your correspondent used it in a post about W's evolving series of excuses over his Harken stock swindle, errr, I mean, the "honest disagreement about accounting procedures."

It’s MAILBAG time:

MC Hammered rips into my final World Cup commentary:

Soccer always has and always will suck. I don't care if anyone likes it just like I don't care that some people watch snuff films. The only reason I stayed at Joxer's after hours was that it afforded me the opportunity to drink myself silly for over twenty four straight hours. I believe I only looked up at the T.V. twice and that was when Madonna scored and the Panamanian team fans screamed (they certainly were more boisterous than the Swiss fans).

Typical conservative viewpoint: snuff films are a matter of individual taste; lets get drunk.


Sir Mix-a-lot responds to my response last week:

I wasn't making excuses for Arafat. Arafat doesn't have any real power to stop the terror attacks. Sure, he can arrest all the nutcases, stop financing terrorism and tell Saddam and other instigators of terrorism to go to hell. But, I contend that this will do little to stop the violence because the violence occurring in Israel/Palestine is the expression of a human desire to be free, the current violence is the result of years of economic oppression and violence perpetrated against the Palestinians since Britain gave the land to the Israelis. For every nutcase Arafat arrests there is another in waiting because he or she is tired of living the life of the oppressed or wants revenge in the name of a relative who was killed by the Israeli army. As you said last week, diplomatically Arafat has nothing to bring to the table. Sharon is fighting a war against the will of an oppressed people…who obviously have nothing to live for. The real power to end the violence lies with Sharon and his ability to offer Palestinians a reason to live…Until Sharon realizes that the fate of the Israeli and Palestinian is interlaced he will continually put fate of innocent Israeli civilians in harms way. Mind you, this is not said in support of or to justify terrorism…it is simply my view on where the power lies to end the conflict.

Your comparison to Mandela and South African apartheid is misguided in that you failed to acknowledge the role that the global community played in shifting that country away from apartheid. In addition to the political insurgency of the ANC, global protests and economic boycotts forced change to occur in South Africa. That kind of global consciousness will never occur with regard to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict because the world is afraid of being labeled anti-Semitic. Perhaps this is a lesson learned from the complacent African-American who reminds others of historic injustices and hides behind race, religion and ethnicity when it is time to be held accountable. Dialogue about race in America is often limited because people do not want to be unjustly accused of being racist. Similarly, the world will never openly criticize Sharon and his supporters for fear of being labeled anti-Semitic.

First off, I agree with your criticism about Sharon, and the craven manner in which the President has appeased him and his faction. He has been opposed to any Palestinian state, and has no constructive part to play in any peaceful resolution of that situation. I also agree that many of the less scrupulous people in the Likud faction have used the brush of “anti-Semitism” to tar their opponents, and to silence those who would like to see a more humane society in the Middle East. However, you can hardly argue that tying explosives to one’s body and walking into a crowded mall is an effective way of galvanizing world opinion in your favor. I also do not accept the view that the suicide bombers have “nothing to live for”. These are not people who simply desire an end to Israeli oppression on the West Bank and Gaza, since their victims are usually not soldiers or settlers. These people want to see a Palestine rid of the Jews, and in that sense are no better than Klansmen.

As far as the other topic last week, I got some reaction on the Miss Overrated beauty pageant, with votes for Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Aniston, Naomi Campbell and Julia Roberts. To date, the almost universal opinion as to Anna Kournikova is that I've lost my mind. No one has heard of either Linda Evangelista or Paris Hilton, so they don't see how they can be overrated. Julia is winning, but I'm still accepting ballots....

An excellent take on a "psychotic death cult" that threatens all Americans, as elucidated by Bin Laden's favorite jurist.

It was a bit of a dull weekend; the period from the end of the NBA Finals to the first game of the college football season is usually nine lost weeks for me, but it does give me an opportunity to things I wouldn't normally do, like see a movie.

On Saturday, I had the house to myself, so I decided to work out the "George Foreman Grill" (ie., the single man's best friend). The task for the Iron Chef: Dodger Dogs !!! People who go to Chavez Ravine now have to settle for boiled, mushy wieners, which, if you're lucky, will have grill marks on them. I didn't take the time to steam them, but I did get the grilling part right, and boy did it bring back memories...of when I was a wee lad, and I'd go to two or three games a year with my father. Before the game, he'd leave me alone to fill out my scorecard, and he'd go to the concession stand to buy me two Dodger Dogs, nothing on them. I would finish them by the end of the second inning, and it always seemed that he would have an extra dog on hand, that he would split in two and share with me. Then we would watch the remainder of the game together, son and father, honor-bound to sit there til the bitter end. I guess with memories like that, a person doesn't die in any real sense....

What's more frightening, Serena Williams' new "look", or that she honestly believes it works for her? To make it a complete debacle, she should see if she can buy that outfit Gwynnie wore to the Oscars this year.
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This article really disturbs me. I know its been eight hundred years, but the notion that the Smithsonian Institution is celebrating a tribute to Genghis Khan just strikes me as just being wrong. The description of the exhibit makes it seem like he was just another nationalist leader with a militaristic bent, an East Asian Napoleon, not the thirteenth century version of Hitler. He was a genocidal madman who viewed raping and pillaging as a clever military tactic, and basically followed the policy that it was better to exterminate your enemy than conquer it. I guess in a few hundred years, the taxpayers will get to fund a Smithsonian tribute to Pol Pot.

Maybe I owe the President an apology, now that Nader is pushing this issue...but at least he isn't whining about the Western Conference Finals anymore.

I think the right wing is making a big mistake in labeling every incident of violence by Arabs as "terrorism". The LAX incident on the 4th is probably the latest example in politicizing what should be correctly labeled as a "hate crime", no doubt in an effort to gain public support for the detention of all Arab-Americans. Let's give "terrorists" a little credit here; they usually have some political or religious motive for doing what they do, and as such, can be dealt with (and fought) in a rational manner. Wack jobs who go out and kill people simply because they hate Jews, or blacks, or gays, can't be dealt with; you don't go to war with Charles Manson (who as far as I can tell, was never labeled a "terrorist", even though the broadest definition of the word would apply), you arrest and convict him. At some point, when any act of violence is given that label, the public will quit caring.

Who the hell is David Nalbandian? Guess I'll sleep late tomorrow....

Well, I'm assuming that unless you died or were on your way to a flight out of LAX yesterday, you probably had a pretty good Fourth. I went to a BarbQ at my sisters, then went and saw the fireworks at a friend's house in Calabasas. As far as Fourths go, it went well, although not like the one where I got really hammered and ended up getting into a firecracker "war" with a bunch of friends from college. The things I used to pull in my mid-30's !!
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What we are now starting to see is the beginning of the end for the "president". Even his shills in the media aren't buying his "my lawyer ate my homework" excuse for why he didn't report his last-minute stock sale. To put it bluntly, the form that his attorney "forgot" to file is kind of like the "1040" form you fill out when you file your taxes; if you use an attorney or an accountant to assist you, such a form would be filled out almost as a matter of routine. If such a form was accidentally omitted, and an investigation of the client resulted, the attorney in question would be fired almost immediately, and the firm's malpractice carriers would be put on notice. This isn't Whitewater, my friends--this is ten times worse, a scandal that hits both Bush administrations.

For those of you who still care, the letters get published Monday. As a Fourth of July treat, here's more information than you probably ever wanted to know about this topic .

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...this is a must-read tale of the Harken Emporer. (registration required)

My view on the issue of testing baseball players for steroids just did a 180. Up until this incident, I thought that ballplayers should get with the program, give up the notion of privacy, and take the test. Now, thanks to Sammy Sosa's appropriate, non-violent but angry, reaction to Rick Reilly's stunt, I now believe that the greater danger lies in allowing self-appointed scolds and sphincters the power to embarass each of us into giving up our privacy. Put it another way, if I were to give Mr. Reilly the address of a local lab where they could test his DNA to see if it matches any of the children recently born in the West San Fernando Valley, would he do so, even if he knew that he was clean.

The trifecta mystery...solved !!!

Some of you may have noticed those thingeys on the left side of the blog. Those are called "links", and they enable visitors to my evil lair to go to other web sites, blogs, and internet arcana that I find useful or interesting. Not all the sites are created equal; most people already have ESPN and The Onion bookmarked, and if you are into blogs, you certainly don't need me to tell you how to get to Andrewsullivan.com, Instapundit or Kausfiles. But there are some less well-known sites that I recommend, in particular TalkingPoints (where I found this very touching tribute to an East Coast politician/felon), MaxSpeak, and Eschaton. Check out those sites, and thank me later.

In case you missed it, there was a power shift on Saturday. This is perhaps the best review of the briefest administration in American history.

Mr. Bolkcom and Mr. Lazar tie for the month of June in the Home Run Pool. I finished last, again. My interest in the subject wanes.

Why we fight the "war on terror"....

I'll visit the MAILBAG tomorrow. Sorry to those who have contributed to the Overrated Beauty Pageant, but just to let you know, Mrs. Broderick continues to lead.

I don't think I'm alone in saying what a great time we had Saturday night/Sunday morning at Joxers' for the Cup Final. Once again, the joint was packed by 3:00 a.m., and the crowd was roughly 9:1 favoring Brazil. In particular, what amazed me was the number of non-soccer fanatics who were there; at least three of my site's regular visitors showed up, none of whom had evidenced any interest in the sport at all up until two weeks ago, but who stayed through "closing hour" and watched the game until the final whistle. Speaking for myself, its going to take awhile to regain a normal sleep equilibrium.

Since this is my last post on the subject, at least until Copa America next year, I thought I would share some random observations on the last month:

1. Every four years, what constitutes the sports punditocracy in this country will weigh in about why soccer has failed to generate much interest in the U.S. Predictably, they will write that soccer is popular everywhere else in the world, but because of America's "cultural superiority", it will never catch on here. Or they will talk about how soccer fans are always trying to impose their sport on everyone else. Or they will ridicule the "soccer promoters", who are supposedly predicting that, inevitably, the sport will become bigger than baseball or football in the U.S.(of course, it goes without saying that no such promoter will ever be quoted by name, since no such person has ever made that prediction) To illustrate their argument, they will throw in attendance figures for WUSA games, or the MLS' poor TV ratings.

I have little doubt that those same morons will pop up in 2006, with the same twaddle. Up until this year, they could usually throw in a line in their columns about how in spite of its popularity at the youth and sandlot level, real American athletes abandon the sport once they reach high school; thus, the U.S. would never be competitive in international soccer. However, three things happened this time out that pretty much discredited those writers. First, the U.S. made the quarterfinals, and played with a style and energy that proved that the 0-3 debacle in 1998 was the exception, not the rule. Second, the ratings for the Cup were relatively high, almost a hundred times higher than what ESPN2 or Univision usually get for its early morning programming. ESPN, in fact, got more people to watch the U.S. games against Mexico and Germany than it got for all four of the games it televised during the Stanley Cup Finals, played during the same month. I have not yet seen the ratings for the Final, but it would not surprise me if it was the top-rated sporting event of the weekend. Add to that the ratings for Univision, which in cities like Los Angeles were higher than the ESPN broadcasts (I might add that many of us who speak barely a word of Spanish find those broadcasts to be superior), as well as the good ratings the Cup got in 1994 (and to a lesser extent, 1998), and it is laughable to ever again suggest that there is not significant interest in the World Cup among American sports fans.

Second, for the first time since Pele was playing for the Cosmos, a group of sportswriters, columnists, etc., are now writing positive things about the sport, even though they don't cover it for a living. Sports talk radio hosts actually fielded calls from listeners about the games. Even Jim Rome pretended for awhile that he wasn't rooting against Team U.S.A. Furthermore, stories about hooliganism, 0-0 draws, and all the other cliched tripe that usually works its way into every third-rate writers output on the sport were at a minimum. Those in the media who hate the sport became increasingly dispirited, especially once the U.S. made the quarterfinals.

What must give soccer fans in this country the most hope is the actuarial reality that the anti-soccer crowd is old, myopic, and out-of-touch; once the Lupicas, the Alboms, and the Lipsytes die out or retire, they will be replaced by writers who understand that the World Cup consistently gets better ratings than tennis or boxing in the U.S., and that Latino and Asian Americans, and Americans between the ages of 18 and 35, actually exist, and have sporting interests that are far different from the middle-aged white males for whom their columns are addressed, and that the popularity of soccer is a phenomenum of the present, not the future.

2. On the other hand, as long as the MLS is around, the popularity of American soccer will pretty much be limited to international competitions, such as the Olympics and the World Cup. I have yet to hear anyone give a compelling reason why people are going to start watching the soccer equivalent of the Pacific Coast League, after they have been given a month-long taste of the good stuff. In particular, European clubs are going to be much more aggressive in scouting American high schools and sandlots for the next Landon Donovan or Demarcus Beasley, while the MLS will remain little more than a glorified farm system, developing talent until its ready to start earning some real money overseas.

Those who attacked the Ninth Circuit's courageous decision last week should well consider what really happens when we impose religious doctrine on patriotic rituals. This article bears contemplation on that issue, as well as on the recent high court ruling on school vouchers.

(Re latest Kobe Bryant news, click here)

Brazil 2, Germany 0...one of the tightest WC finals ever, with the Germans dominating the first half, but unable to come close to scoring. Ronaldo scored twice in the final 25 minutes, including one off of a shockingly bad play by Oliver Kahn, Germany's heretofore inpenetrable goalkeeper.

A few years back there was a book published called "The Millionaire Next Door", the theme of which was that most of the people in this country who had money were not C.E.O.'s, partners in lawfirms, or celebrities, but were instead average people with ordinary careers who had, for one reason or another, gotten lucky. By that, I mean they had saved money, invested it well, purchased Nissans rather than Mercedes, and had pretty much lived within themselves. But for the most part, those people had owned real property, kept it for years, not as an investment but as a home for their families, and sold it at a huge profit.

Well, its safe to say that I have never lived within my means, my stock portfolio consists mainly of busted tech stocks (ie. Palm), and I drive a sports car well out of my price range. However, I do own a condo, which as luck would have it, is situated in the West San Fernando Valley, in Warner Center, smack dab in the middle of the hottest real estate market in the country. When I put it up for sale last week, at the advice of my broker, I listed it at $204k, which I thought was an absurd price, way over what other units in the area sold for; this is, after all, little more than a single bedroom apartment attached to a collection of freaks that constitute the H.O.A. I thought it would go for $130k, which is more than what my neighbor sold their place for two years ago after they had done significant remodeling (the only remodeling I did was to install fungus in my shower).

Within a day of listing, I got a bid for $196, and after some quibbling, got them to raise it to $198. Ecstatic, but wary of the misfortune that always afflicts me whenever I stare imminent fortune squarely in the eye, I began figuring how much I would have to play with once I got rid of the payoff balance on my note (about $87k) and paying off my remaining debts (incl. my student loans). Then other offers began pouring in, from between $200k and $220k. Jeez, if I hold out any longer, I can eventually sell the place for about what a mansion in the Hollywood Hills would go for. Thinking about that, I realized that I'm never going to be a "millionaire next door", cause the only thing I will ever do with money is burn it, spend it on leggy brunettes and get drunk.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic, for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Turkey 3, Korea 2, as the Turks scored the fastest goal in W.C. history. Don't worry, I was too hung over from the previous night to get up and watch a consolation game live. After Monday, there will be no more World Cup posts for awhile. I am a man of my word, M.C.

Just out of curiosity, do the Rolling Stones have a bandmember known for being "quiet"?

Its less than forty-eight hours to the World Cup Final, which I await with great trepidation. I foresee little offensive activity, with Brazil winning 1-0 on a late second half goal. The Germans will be without their most consistent player in the World Cup, and will play for the tie, hoping to win the game on penalty kicks. I’m afraid there will be little excitement. Perhaps the best thing that could happen for those of us who want to see a championship game worthy of the tournament will be if someone scores early, preferably Brazil. That would open things up, and cause both teams to devote more resources to the attack the rest of the game.

Once again, I will venture out to that little piece of Culver City paradise called Joxer Daly’s for the 4:00 a.m. start. I wrote last week about how packed it was for the England v. Brazil quarterfinal game, but what I neglected to point out (in part, b/c I wasn’t there) was that it was almost as jammed for the US v. Germany game the next morning. According to the staff, the place stayed open in the three hours between games, and attracted a different set of fans, most of whom arrived at around 4 in the morning (all of whom paid the $10 cover). I would venture a guess that it will again be crowded, so get there early for the festivities !!!

Absolutely the right take about the 9th Circuit's ruling on Wednesday. If Joe Lieberman is the Demo nominee in 2004, I vote for Nader.

Just beautiful. The jewel in the crown of the nation's public universities just moved a step closer to having the NCAA impose the "death penalty" on its athletic programs. My favorite sanction against CAL has to be that it was stripped of all its wins in 1999, forever tainting my memory of that magical 3-8 season.

What to do about WorldCom, Enron, etc.? Here's an idea that makes sense...

I would like to digress a little now from the usual topics on this board to discuss something which is of extreme importance to me, and has been a peeve of mine since I was twelve years old. That is, how the cultural institutions in our society are able to manufacture beauty where none exists.

The first week of play at Wimbledon began on Monday, and as always on the first day of any Grand Slam tennis tournament, one of the big stories was the utterly predictable defeat of Anna Pornikova, err, Kournikova. I’ve always thought the saga of the Russian lolita was more amusing than sad, since I have no idea why anyone thinks she’s that good-looking to begin with. I understand that beauty is largely a subjective criterion, and that different men might see something extraordinary in even the basest of creatures, but c’mon !! For about five years, the media has hyped this mediocrity, first as a tennis prodigy, later as a groupie for the Red Wings, then as a pin-up girl, and she’s NOTHING. SHE ISN’T ATTRACTIVE. She can do all the calendars she wants, dress up in tight, revealing outfits, get her picture taken by the top photographers, have all her warts air-brushed out later, and she still is a chubby faux-blonde who has no game.

It’s times like this that I feel like the victim of some big media joke, and eventually I’m going to get the punch-line. Every so often, a magazine like People, Vanity Fair, or EW will pretend that Linda Evangelista, Julia Roberts, Christina Ricci, Paris Hilton, Helena Bonham-Carter, or some other femme is hot, and we, the public, are encouraged to go along with it, even if we wonder why so much hype (and money) is being devoted to hatchet-faced women. A few years back, Vanity Fair did a cover story on the next big bombshell in Hollywood: Gretchen Mol (I kid you not). She wasn’t even cute, she hadn’t been in anything of note, and VF was hyping her as if she was one of the Miller Sisters. I’m sorry if I’m beginning to sound insensitive, but Julia Roberts is not now, nor has she ever been, pretty !!!!! She’s a decent enough actress, but so is Angela Lansbury (who actually was quite hot about fifty years ago). At some point, though, “Hollywood” decided that a nice pair of lips, a decent body, and some solid acting chops added up to sex appeal, and imposed it on the rest of society.

Even more ridiculous are supermodels. Just as Jackie Robinson broke the color-line in baseball, Evangelista shattered the ugly barrier in modeling, and paved the way for women such as Naomi Campbell, Heidi Klum, and others to ply their craft. By the way, has anyone seen the new Cover Girl ad with “supermodel” Niki Taylor. I didn’t think you were supposed to notice the make-up. I feel sorry for the tragic accident she was in, and for the way-too-untimely death of her sister, but who knew that she would become the Tony Conigliaro of modeling. Enough said about that; she should try to retire with some semblance of dignity before she becomes indistinguishable from Carol Channing.

Lastly, there is the odd case of Jennifer Aniston. I’m inclined to believe that she must be more attractive in person than she is on TV, where she is the third most attractive actress on Friends. Anyway, if any of you have a selection for the most overrated beautiful woman in the world, click the magic button on the top and let me know.
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"(optional deity) Bless the Ninth Circuit." By the way, the two little words in controversy are recent additions to the Pledge, imposed by Congress back in the 1950's, during another era when the government tried to squash our civil liberties, and needed a distraction.

Concerning the Bolton / Hansen et al concert below, one reader sends a link as to who might play in the grand finale...(thanks again to C.A.H.)

How exactly do you you hide $4 billion dollars? In any event, this column, published on Saturday, before the WorldCom debacle, now seems even more prescient.(free registration required)
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Take note that my next long post is being published tonight. Its a "think-piece" about Anna Kournikova !!!!

Damn. Kentucky v. North Carolina in the Final. Oddly enough, the two countries have never played each other in the World Cup.

Same score, but a much better, more competitive game than yesterday morning. Both teams were on the attack throughout, and Turkey had plenty of good chances. For all the talk about how far the U.S. has come in soccer, take note that the Turks were playing in their first tournament since 1954, and did not win a single qualifying game in the 1980's. I mean, they sucked, and I mean Michael Bolton / Hansen / Moby / Dave Matthews Band all-day concert-in-the-park sucked. From what I can gather, their recent international rise stems in large part from the heavy influx of immigration to Germany; many of their players, in fact, are German-born (Senegal, by the way, had more than a few players who had either been born, or raised, in France).

One of the cool things about doing this is how enthusiastic all of you are about correcting my occasional mistakes or flashes of ignorance. For example, "the Ron" points out that Lena Olin was, in fact, nominated for an Oscar, in Enemies: A Love Story, which I never saw, on account of the fact that I'm a guy.

Now that Korea has been eliminated, can we stop hearing that the World Cup was somehow tainted by their presence in the Final Four. Bad calls are a part of the game, and the calls in their win over Spain were particularly lame, but up until this year, no one ever thought there was a conspiracy led by "Third World" refs to advance a particular team.

In any event, this was a dominant German performance today; 1-0 does not quite express how one-sided this game was. With about ten minutes left, Germany had a 16-4 edge in shots on goal, and completely contained the speed game of the Koreans. Instead of playing it safe, the Germans continued to press the issue at the end, and nearly scored a couple of insurance goals in the final minutes. The goal scorer, Ballack, got hit with his second yellow card in as many games, forcing him to miss the Final. Considering how the U.S. kicked their ass in every respect but on the scoreboard last week, it is a testament to how close we are to making a serious run in 2006 or 2010.

By the way, for about ten minutes in the first half, Adelphia Cable decided to shut down its entire network to provide an Emergency Test. Odds are, nothing was going to happen anyway, but I had just had this notion at the time that they were going to return to the action, and the score would be 2-1 Korea, and the referree would be showing the red card to a whole gang of German players, and the announcers would be screaming that this was "a disgrace", etc.
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One of the local throw-aways has a good piece on a hip music club downtown, that I have on good authority is "Moby-Free". Take note of the "shy owner" pictured in the article.

The first of the semi-final games is coming up on the morrow, twixt Korea and Germany. Whoever wins will be the weakest team to make a World Cup Final since, well, ever, with the paranoid believing that the Koreans are only at this stage because of a FIFA-sponsored conspiracy involving the home team. Both teams were out-played in the quarterfinals, but got some favorable calls (Korea got some very favorable calls) from the refs to get through. I'm sorry, but I just have a hard time feeling sorry for either Spain, the U.S., or Italy; each team had plenty of other opportunities, and the fact that only the Americans haven't whined about the bad breaks they got redounds to the prestige of the "Homeland". The attacks that have come from some of the overseas papers, particularly in Spain, have bordered on the racist. Teams like Korea have been screwed so often by lousy officiating and homerism that its about time they caught a break, and one has to feel that much of the criticism now is being aimed at tomorrow morning's officials: if you so much as think of giving a German a red card, or calling offsides, a couple thousand international papers are going to label you a crook and a shill for the Koreans. In any event, the real problem in the quarterfinals wasn't bad officiating, it was the overly-defensive soccer the teams played.

Then again, maybe the Palestinians can just have our Supreme Court choose its next leader. This article rightly skewers the President's phony peace plan.

It's the beginning of the week, so it must be time to visit the old MAILBAG:

Sir Mix-a-lot writes:
The Bush adminstration keeps saying the Arafat can do more to stop terrorism. To me it seems like he has been handcuffed by both Sharon and the US. Even though I realize that Arafat still has some control over his militants, I can't really see what if anything he can do because Sharon and the US don't want to work with him on a diplomatic level. Realistically what can Arafat do?

I don't see why anyone can make excuses for Arafat. A good deal of the suicide bombers come from his organization, and not all of the bombers appeared to be particularly motivated by religion. A few high profile arrests, convictions, and imprisonments of some of these nutcases would have sent a message. The fact that Sharon and his party happen to believe that Arabs are indistinguishable from cockroaches doesn't create an atmosphere conducive to a permanent peace, yet by doing next to nothing to stop terrorism, and in fact financing many of the groups responsible, Arafat has created a situation where it would be impossible for Sharon to not send in the tanks. Which is probably what the General wanted in the first place; I half-expect the old thug to start talking about "hitting the trifecta". But lets not mince words here. If the A.N.C. had allowed its militants to start necklacing Africaaner teenagers, I doubt Mandela would be revered as the secular saint he is today. Anyways, thanks for your correspondence; it felt good not writing about soccer, Alias, and/or pub-crawling.
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Here's a provocative take on the World Cup, by a writer who usually pisses me off. (Registration needed)

For those of you who subscribe to the "Smythesworld Premium" package, two more proposed sites: Mundo de Smythe, which will simulcast this site in Spanish; and SmythesworldWatch, a site dedicated to ridiculing and debunking Smythesworld. Take note that none of the additional services are available on basic cable or satellite.

MoDo strikes again !!!

Well, this turned out to be a more interesting weekend than I could have ever anticipated.

Tom Tomorrow has a good idea for a game based on a just-released movie.

Here's some food criticism you can use, although I wish she had also reviewed the crappy cardboard product Herr Puck puts out now.
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Slow weekend planned. Probably go watch some band play. Have little to comment on as far as last night's games are concerned: Spain got jobbed even worse than Italy did, losing two clear goals; and Senegal was surprisingly uninspired against Turkey, who won the game in sudden death, and had most of the real scoring chances. One thing to note: if Korea gets to the Finals (a very real possibility, considering how exhausted the Germans were after the US game), they will go from being a home team backed by a very real, and loud, twelfth man, to the road team, since the Finals are in Yokohama, Japan.

I apologize to those of you whose only mission in life is to visit Smythe's World and find out about what's going on in my life, not just what my opinions are about the World Cup, Lena Olin, and the Middle East. In any event, your patience is about to be rewarded.

Last night, I ventured down to the happiest place on earth, Irish sports pub Joxer Dalys, to watch England v. Brazil, and was joined by about 125 revelers in what quickly became an overwhelming sea of humanity. For those of you who haven't been there before, I should point out that it is about the size of an ordinary bar; this isn't Yankee Doodles or Champions, with multiple floors and a large billiards and air hockey room in the basement. As a regular (by the way, that's a pretty sad thing to admit), the staff pretty much knows that I'm only going to drink Beamish or Carlsburg while I'm there, so I didn't have to wait in line, but for about 90% of the customers, getting a drink was a major hassle. Oh well, sucks to be them.

Anyway, considering that the crowd last night was larger than Super Bowl Sunday, the bartendresses did a pretty good job--the one quibble I have was that the stout was, well, just a bit too warm. The customers were split down the middle; a surprisingly large pro-Brazil contingent was there, and obviously they went home feeling pretty good about themselves. As an Inglaterra fan, last night's game was one of the more frustrating events I've witnessed there recently; even when Brazil went down a man, they controlled the game, and no one on the English team was a threat to score once Owen was subbed.

GO SENEGAL !!!!

Well, we obviously weren't spanked. The U.S. took the play to the Germans, making most of the chances, but this time it was their opponent who got the inspired game from its goalkeeper. Soooooo close....

After the build-up, a big let-down, as Brazil dominated from the first minute on, and won 2-1. England actually took the lead, due to a defensive blunder allowing Owen an open blast, but the rest of the way Brazilian class showed; even after Ronaldinho was sent off early in the 2nd half, Brazil never looked to be in trouble. And of course, Seaman made his annual miscalculation on a long free kick, costing his team a chance to lose it in O.T. Depression sets in, as I now suspect the U.S. is about to get spanked....

After Sunday, I have learned enough not to predict World Cup games. I realized when I was breaking down these match-ups that I may have inadvertantly picked Weber St. to upset NC before the World Cup began; now that this game is actually going to take place tomorrow morning, I can only hope that no one remembered my original post on the subject.

Two questions about events in another part of the world:

1. Why is Arafat being negotiated with, when he has nothing to bring to the table?
2. What on earth does General Sharon have to do before the President realizes that he's a cancer?

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This excellent piece eviscerates the soccerphobic commentariat (ie. Jim Rome, Matt Cairns, etc.) in the U.S.

I can't believe I'm now debating whether I should stay up the night (on a school night, no less) to watch the U.S. play the Germans, in a game the outcome of which is not really in doubt. In any event, I find this site to be fascinating (apparently, a fellow amateur).

For those of you keeping track, the quarterfinal of the World Cup begins tomorrow night, with Kansas playing Kentucky, followed by North Carolina and Weber State in the nightcap. Friday will see Wisconsin and Hawaii square off in the late game, with UCLA and Louisiana Tech trying to settle matters early. If that only looks partially like an NCAA Final Eight, its because this year has seen way too many upsets. Just as in college basketball, unfortunately, form begins to hold right around now. Sorry, but don't expect Weber State or LA Tech to reach the Final Four.

Sorry for disrespecting the Bing !!!

One of the more debated stories in futbol has been the decline of Serie A, the Italian national soccer league. This story perhaps encapsulates everything that is wrong and petty in sports, and provides some enlightenment as to the above issue. I hope Ahn signs to play in a superior league where they still have a dog in the hunt, like England, Germany, or the U.S.

Now Lauralee has company: a great casting coup for this daytime chestnut.

A little less conversation, a little more action: Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I think Ronaldo is the only player in that Nike ad (you know, the one on the tanker) that's still playing in the W.C.

Dept. of corrections: This earlier posting, which I thought sounded too good (or bad, as the case may be) to be true, was in fact not true. Please disregard.

On the post below, my reference to Alias being played "completely straight" referred to the tone of the show, not its perceived sexual preference. Sorry for any confusion, but I thought it went without saying that a TV show cannot have a "sexual preference".

A nice piece here skewers the most pretentious man alive.

"Susan" suggests this 12-step program might do me some good.

Its time to check the mailbag:

A laconic friend writes:
1.There are no liars at Joxer's.
2.Coach Cock WILL be available for the 2006 World Cup.
3.I'm ecstatic that Algore is busy picking up filtered cigarette butts from the gutters and stenciling fishbones with the phrase "No dumping" next to sewer drains than leading our country at this time.
4.Back in May I distinctly remember a certain bespectacled, shiny headed attorney predicting the Lakers would not repeat (or "Threepeat" as you unoriginal Laker fans call it) this season.
5.I'll take Rowan & Martin over Shaq & Kobe anytime.

No liars? Haven't you ever gotten a bill from Christine or Dakota? I'm getting tired of so-called friends falsely impugning my integrity and my wisdom and foresight in predicting that the Lakers would get their trey. Please take the time to review my posts last week, after Games 2 and 3 of the Finals. I'm glad that Hitchcock will be available in 2006, as he might have a choice of several teams to coach, including our neighbors to the south. I will ignore your insult about the President. Quit harassing me.
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Some of you took exception to my comments about Lena Olin, to wit:

About to be jumped? That show jumps everytime she says, "I was working for the people I thought I was fighting against".


or this, from someone whose evil twin is the basis for Laura Bristow:


What have you got against Lena Olin? I'm definitely not a lesbian -- not that there is anything wrong with that -- and yet I find her incredibly sexy. A dark haired Swede -- what a great combination.
BTW, was hanging at a new hotspot called Koi the other night, and Jennifer Garner's love interest from Alias (you know, her "CIA handler") was at the next table. I stared at him all night.

I'm not a lesbian either, although I often think I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Seriously, no one is going to understand any of this without some background. One of the best shows on TV right now is an ABC series called Alias. It's stars an impossibly gorgeous actress named Jennifer Garner (Sydney Bristow), and is basically like a James Bond or Indiana Jones movie, except its played completely straight; no bad jokes or puns, no smirks or winks from the hero to leaden the atmosphere, and even the bad guys are three-dimensional. The heroine gets into her fair share of fights, and in a TV-first, every so often gets the crap beat out of her, making the character sort of like a female Jim Rockford. Its largely a no-name cast. This is a good place to go if you want more info on the series; if you are just getting into the show, or if you need an explanation as to what some obscure group or reference (incl. anything to do with "Rambaldi artifacts"), that's where you go, or go to the official website ABC has for the show. As the first writer pointed out, its entirely reasonable to believe that the show already jumped the shark, but then again, its entirely reasonable to tell a 5-year old that there is no Santa Claus.

Anyway, without giving away too many plot twists, Swedish actress Lena Olin was recently cast as a woman very close to our heroine, a character that can be described as a cross between Keyser Soze, Harry Lime, and "Karla" from the Le Carre spy novels. My disappointment with the casting centers around my feeling that the show could have been a bit more creative. Ms. Olin, for those of you who may have forgotten, was a star back in the late-80's-early 90's, and was (I think) nominated for an Oscar. Her career has slowed down in the last ten years, to the point that she now basically plays evil semi-attractive women in every film, similar to her memorable character in Romeo Is Burning. The low point has to be her supporting role in Queen of the Damned; every actress who basically wants to the follow the Karen Black route just needs to do one Anne Rice movie.

Nevertheless, that downturn has more to do with poor choices than a lack of talent; I have no doubt she will pull off the character. But as the other letter reminds us, this show is always on the verge of slipping off the precipice into self-parody. Its pretty much survived without "stars", and although I would have preferred, for purely fetishistic reasons, that they had cast Mimi Rogers in the role, I believe that hiring another talented but non-famous actress would have been a better move. Besides, how do you kill off Lena Olin?

P.S. On your last point, the name of the actor you were stalking at Koi is Michael Vartan. And remember, whatever you do, please do not tell Scott what you really do for a living.

Damn hackers. Disregard the previous post.
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Predictions:

Mexico 3, U.S. 1: Mexico will dominate possession and pick apart the pathetic U.S. defense; if the U.S. falls behind early, look for an even higher scoring game, with Donovan and O'Brien setting up many good scoring chances, and Mexico getting counterattack after counterattack.

Brazil 4, Belgium 1: Gotta love the Samba !!!

As I predicted, England ended up dominating Denmark, and looks set to give Brazil (or Belgium, right...) a good battle in the quarterfinals next Thursday night. As I didn't predict, Paraguay kept the game with Germany close, and Chilavert, the goalkeeper who bears a resemblance to the fat kid at boot camp in Full Metal Jacket, came up big time and time again, until a goal in the final two minutes gave the Germans a well-deserved result. As dull as those two games were, this mornings games were classics. Senegal, the Kent State of soccer, stunned the Swedes in overtime, by scoring a "golden goal", to use the cheesy term FIFA has come up with, then Spain overcame a last-second goal by the Irish to prevail on penalty kicks. Two things about that game bear commentary: one, the Spanish subbed out Raul, their superstar, late in the game to get an extra defender to protect the lead; once the Irish scored to tie the game, Spain was left with almost no attack; and two, this has been repeated almost to the point of cliche, but using penalty kicks to decide a game after only 30 minutes of overtime sucks big time.

For those of you may have been caught up in the other RC scandal du jour, here's something that's really outrageous.

Isn't this the type of thing Stalin used to demand? Where's Solzhenitsyen when you need him?

It now appears that our government can hold a person indefinitely, without either a trial or a chance to confront one's accusers. According to this article, the Justice Department has taken the position that only the executive branch has the power to decide whether someone is a combatant or not, and since trying Mr. Padilla will "compromise" intelligence sources, it is their position that they will not declare him to be a combatant. He will be a prisoner until the "war" on terrorism is over, which will probably be sometime after the 2004 election.

Now that the first round of the World Cup is over, with the U.S. surviving a massive choke to set up a match with Mexico Sunday night, this may be as good a time as any to revisit a "classic" piece of Smythiana.
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Tonight, its Germany-Paraguay (11:30 p.m.) and England-Denmark (4:30 a.m.). On paper, these matchups don't look very interesting, as neither Paraguay or Denmark have as much talent as their opponents. I believe England is on the verge of exploding offensively, having already played three teams that are superior to Denmark. That would probably set up a quarter-final game with Brazil. For US fans, the Germany game is critical, as the winner will play the US-Mexico winner. Sorry if I'm overdoing the college hoops analogy, but the Germans are starting to remind me of that North Carolina team that made the Final Four three years ago, a team that barely made the tournament (really only making it on reputation), was only seeded 8th, and then upset Stanford in the second round. After that team made the semifinals, it seemed almost inevitable that they would do so, and the weaknesses of that team were forgotten by the same people who were outraged that the Tar Heels even made the tourney. Anyways, I don't see the Germans having any problems scoring against that fat tub of lard in goal for Paraguay.
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Considering that the U.S. was down 3-0 before Korea took the lead against Portugal, in the 70th minute, it is safe to say that for most of the morning I was trying to figure out the most efficient way of spiking my intake of Prozac. Once Korea scored, a team with nothing to play for tried gamely to hold on against one of the most talented teams on the planet, with some of the most dangerous strikers in the history of the sport. And would you believe it, they did !!! KOREA !!!! No more dogmeat jokes, ever !!!!
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I thought I would just let this story speak for itself. By the way, I'm not ignoring your correspondence; I intend to put up your letters at the end of the week.

Has any story ever fizzled out as quickly as the pathetic case of Mr. Padilla? With ruthless efficiency, the media, having been cowed into silence for nine months, have finally begun to not simply question, but ridicule, the Administration.

You could also see this phenomenum at work over the coverage of the GAO report on the Clinton "vandalism" report, which at a cost of a cool quarter of a million dollars to the taxpayers, was able to show that there was about $19,000 worth of damage (namely, to buy new "W" keys for typewriters). When Alberto Gonzalez, the President's counsel, protested that the report didn't specify some of the dirty words written on the walls, the reaction was one of eye-rolling contempt. When the story initially broke in January 2001, the media focused on how typical it was for those Arkansas vulgarians to trash the place on the way out, totally consistent with Lewinsky and Marc Rich. By the time the story died, the focus wasn't on the vandalism that was actually discovered, but on the mendacity and pettiness of the Bush Administration in leaking and exaggerating the story. Oh, yeah, I forgot, there's a war going on.
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As I predicted months ago, the Lakers breezed to the NBA title. Congrats, team, on the 3peat.

Not much to say about tonight's game. To the surprise of no one, the Nets came out on fire in the first quarter, the crowd cheered, and then the Lakers went to work. The game wasn't in doubt after half-time, a fact acknowledged by Lord Byron in the final minute, when he subbed out Kidd and Martin with his team behind by six. Surely this will be the winter of Sactown's discontent, a team that came within a misdirected tip-out by Vlade and an overtime of beating the Lakers. They will continue to whine about the officiating in Game 4 (where they have a point) and Game 6 (where they don't), and I will admit that they were the best team this year, but it will haunt the Kings forever that they had Game 7 at home, with a nine point second half lead, but couldn't hit free throws, and they couldn't strike to kill the real king.
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Lena Olin ???? I see a shark about to be jumped.

True World Cup fact: the U.S. scored more goals in a 36 minute span of the first half against Portugal than Argentina and France did in six games.

Congrats to the Bush Administration, for waiting a month after arresting the "dirty bomb" suspect before publicly announcing its achievement (from Moscow, no less). Good job, boys.

That whole story is starting to smell like a damp carpet. It now appears that in spite of having nothing stronger against Mr. Padilla than the fact that he was in the initial "planning" stages, the Justice Department has no plans to set up a military tribunal or try the S.O.B. in Federal Court. I know I am going to hear that "there's a war going on", but donnez moi une break; under the Ashcroft doctrine, the state could begin detaining patrons inside a tavern, because of the potential threat that they may drive home with a buzz and kill somebody (after all, far more people were killed in D.U.I.'s last year than in suicide airplane hijackings). Yes, Lincoln did suspend habeus corpus during the Civil War (something for which neither history nor his contemporaries treated him kindly), but in that case, our national existence was in peril, a potentiality which is nowhere near close to happening now, no matter what sort of dirty bombs go off.
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Au revoir, France !!! Not only do they fail to qualify for the second round, not only do they get shut out in all three games, but they finish dead last in their group, which was one of the weakest groups in the tournament. I haven't seen a choke that bad since, well, lets just say Ken Hitchcock should bone up on his French in time for World Cup 2006.

Lets visit the mailbag:

--If I were a GM in the NBA, I would refuse to trade with the Lakers UNLESS they sent Shaq or Kobe packing. Heck, no one else on the Laker team is worth the toilet paper I wipe my ass with. Any GM who'll trade for Horry or Fox is a damn fool. With my luck it would be the Cavs! GM should conspire against the Lakers and never trade with them unless they give up Shaq or Kobe.--
S---m

That is an astute observation. I am of the opinion that if the Lakers win the title this year, history should give it an asterisk, due to the unconscionably corrupt calls in Game 6 of the Sacramento series. Next time, the drinks are on me. Thanks as always for your contributions, dickhead.
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One of the more bizarre rumors that's been floating about has to do with my supposedly "puking" Saturday night at Joxer's. I don't know how that one got started, but its completely untrue. I did not puke at Joxer's; I would like to think I have too much class than to throw up inside a bar. If anyone says that I threw up on the premises, they are lying.

About a week ago, I e-mailed a few of my more devoted readers, asking for your input on an idea I had to set up two new blogs: SmythesWorld Classic, which would feature "vintage" posts from the archives, republished repetitively, as well as a biographical section called "Smythe Century"; and SmythesWorld East, which would be identical to this site, except everything would be published three hours earlier. I'm still debating the merits of both sites, so if anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

Interesting weekend. Of course, the three-peat is a mere formality at this stage. The Nets almost ran the Lakers off the court at the end of the 3rd quarter and the beginning of the 4th, Kidd was unstoppable, and Kenyon Martin actually contributed, by scoring some key baskets inside and playing SuperThug. And it didn't matter in the end, because Kobe nailed everything when it counted. The U.S. escaped with a draw against the hosts, and now stands on the verge of qualifying for the second round with a tie against Poland. Of course, there were some interesting events in my life as well, but you will have to wait until later today for that.

I will be M.I.A. today, due to the pending sale of my condo and move-back to my mom's basement. I guess life is just full of these "passages", where an approaching-middle aged man finally declares his dependence and flies back to the nest. Actually, I hope to sell the place quickly, make a killing, and buy something better in a few months. And of course, the Lakers (and "susan"?) tonight at 5:30, and the U.S. v. South Korea at 11:30.

Technically, the series is not over, since the Lakers need to win four games, not just the first two. It is theoretically possible for New Jersey to win four of the next five games, including at least one in Staples. Shaq could break his foot. Cobi (er, Kobe) might get an other case of botulism (by the way, where was St. Ralph when the good people of Sactown tried to poison an opposing player; doesn't that shake the credibility and impartiality of sports?). Those things are all within the realm of possibility; its not like we're talking about traveling faster than the speed of light, or W. trying to act like a leader...

Some of you have told me that a number of links to the left are difficult to reach, or require a subscription. I may also link to stories in my posts that require same. You may have to go through some hoops, but this column is well worth it (by the way, the N.Y. Times does have a registration process to use its site, but its free). In the future, if you need to register, I'll let you know.